As I spiraled down into the worst phases of adrenal fatigue a few years ago, everything in my world as I knew it had come crumbling down. Many areas in my life up to this point had been built on very shaky foundations.
I was in a relationship that felt shaky, it felt unbalanced for me, and I didn’t ever feel like I could truly be myself. I also chose to go into a business that really was doomed from the outset. I remember thinking (very naively) at the time, that this would finally be something my partner and I could do together, without her family being involved. The lenders of the financial capital (friends), also were very unsure, but lent the money anyway. And the thing is I knew in my heart that this was not what I wanted to do. I don’t think the foundation could’ve been much shakier.
And so, 5 years after the business began, it came crashing down, and for nearly 4 years of that time I was wondering how on earth I could extricate myself from it.
The process and the result was a really tough lesson!
The business ended in liquidation, and my then ex and I each filed for bankruptcy.
The business foundations had no stable substance to them, too many people on different pages, and me giving my power away in every way imaginable.
So down it came….. hard!!!
And so, I sat in the throws of severe adrenal fatigue feeling a weakness like I had never known. I was unable to function for more than a few hours at a time, without needing to stop and rest. I quite literally couldn’t take another step at times. I had watched over the previous months as my usually strong and muscular legs had wasted away. My digestive system was in disarray, I would have waves of nausea and cold sweats come across me on most days, and I noticed my hair was very dry and coming out in big clumps.
The symptoms went on and on, and at this stage I actually didn’t understand what was going on with me. I later realised with lots of my own research, that these were in fact some of the classic signs of severe adrenal fatigue.
And so for me, the result of such incredibly shaky foundations in my relationship, my business, my self-esteem and self-worth – BANKRUPTCY, SEVERE BURNOUT and A COMPLETE CRUMBLING OF ALL I HAD KNOWN.
The rebuilding began.
Over the last 3 years, I have spent time obviously rebuilding my physical body (and this has been quite intense); however the biggest rebuilding has come in the area of my connecting with myself, finding an even deeper sense of my own spirituality, and deeply rebuilding my self-worth.
I really began to question on an even deeper level, what it was that I desired in my life, and slowly answers came to me. The rebuilding has been a slow process, and my patience has certainly been tested many times.
I sit here now, nearly 3 years on from this lowest time, with the acute knowledge that my experience has now become my message!
The not fun bit was that I had to go through it first!!!
(I sure am glad to be on the other end of it 🙂
However, believe it or not, I actually wouldn’t have changed any of it, because the depths of what I have learned about myself – what I need and desire in this lifetime, what I am here to do on this planet and what foundations I needed to put in place, have been so worth the journey!
There are still aspects of my foundation that are being rebuilt, but I sure do know that what I have put in place so far, feels like my own foundation. It is a foundation built through my connection with myself and the Universe.
I am so grateful for the chance to have this brand new beginning.
All the best.