Over the last couple of years as I began to process through the emotions that I was feeling, I awakened one day to the patterns of my life that led to this major crash and burnout a few years ago.
I began to see the patterns that had repeated themselves over the last 25+ years.
The whispers from the Universe about what I needed to change, were there through all of these years.
It appeared however, that I needed a thunder bolt and lightening type message to help me really get what I needed to change.
What I’m about to do is retrace my recent burnout experience back to my adolescence.
I was burned out.
I had ended the relationship I was in, and ended the business we had together by putting it into liquidation and going bankrupt. This culmination was about 4 years of trying to find a way to do this. I believe it took this long because I had given my power away in both the relationship and the business and struggled with very low self worth.(click this link to check out my blog on rebuilding self worth) I was so fearful of what my partner would say and do (which she did anyway) that I was often frozen with fear.
I pushed and pushed to please others, but really to no avail, because no matter what I did, it was never enough. I continued to do what others wanted from me to the detriment of my own self, my own needs. Stress had consumed me, I had allowed it to build and build, without realising the extent of what it was doing to me.
The result, a severe, severe, BURNOUT that affected me physically (for a few years, and still some recovery to go), mentally, emotionally and financially.
Here I was, having just turned 39, feeling completely worn out by my life…………… but also with a glimmer of hope, because I had for the first time in my life, stepped up in a big way and claimed my life back.
I had stepped into my power.
As I trace my life back, I can see situations in my past where I was not in my power, and how this also led to burnout. Nothing as severe as October, 2010, but the patterns were being created.
When I was 22 and at University in the U.S.A. on a tennis scholarship, I was pushed to my limits. Physically, I was doing a lot of training, but I had also taken on a large study load, trying to complete my degree before my scholarship eligibility time ran out. A fear of lack of money had already been created in me, and I was not operating from a place of my own power. (blog on standing in your power)
At the age of 17, when I was in my final year of high school, I felt pushed to my limits, by a school system that demanded too much, and a sporting programme that didn’t leave me with much spare time. At this young age, my digestion and sleep were affected, and I was running low on energy.
I believe these early patterns set the scene for the almighty burnout I experienced in 2010.
The great thing about all of this now, is that I am so aware of these patterns. I have recognized these past traits, and done a lot of self growth work to help heal these patterns.
Today, I sit in a place of being in my power with my life. My life is directed in a way that feels right for me. I spend time with people I want to be around and who support my journey, and I choose to be only in situations that feel good for me. I don’t do things because someone else wants me to. I do things because I want to.
Healing From Burnout must involve looking back at the patterns that created the Burnout, so the same thing does not keep repeating itself.
Healing on all levels, is very possible. However, it does take a strong commitment to your own self-care and the knowing that you are worth it!
Take the time to understand the patterns that have created burnout in your life, so that you may move forward with a new understanding of what it is that you need in your life.
All my love